Skelator Demands you Watch this Movie…

Did you ever want to have sex with a translucent skinned 50 year old lady who looks likes she spent the last 20 years turning tricks on the corner and using the money for her next meth fix? No? Really are you sure? I mean sure she looks like a zombie, but Madonna is so rich she can afford to buy a child in every country her decomposing corpse finds itself in. Before setting the tone for the human version of the baby monster, that has become Angelina Jolie and her never-ending need to eat the souls of children from around world, Madonna married some strange English filmmaker name Guy Ritchie. And using her succubus skills she has managed to suck the youth from his soul. I can’t prove any of this of course, all I can do it hypothesize how someone who could write and direct something as awesome as Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels and then in his most recent effort basically shit himself with awesome source material and one of the better actors on the planet in the Robert Downey Jr. led, Sherlock Holmes.

Seriously, how did this suck?

Not that anybody needs to tell you to avoid Sherlock Holmes it has much the same appeal as a rotting corpse or Madonna naked. This fact though means that the casual amongst you will not find their way back in the director’s previous work to find out what he did right in order to get the job on such a big budget turd like Sherlock Holmes. Well you might assume that good decision was marrying Madonna, but how can marrying the lead design doll from a Day of the Dead movie further your career? Well most studio heads do fear that Madonna could move on from eating children’s brains onto them next, let’s face it most studio heads think like children anyway.

Artist Rendering of Madonna. 

Actually Ritchie is still living off the good will of Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels and Snatch, both of which he at least wrote before meeting his future soul sucker, I mean Madonna.

Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels which is on Netflix Streaming was awesome in every conceivable way, the fact that it is easier to watch with the subtitles on even though it is English, just makes it that much more fun. It is funny, smart, and exciting filled with memorable characters and scenes and is better than that other movie you have not seen and are considering, yes I am sure.